Blame

(This picture is from my handy cell phone camera taken on one of my Griffith Park lunch time walks. February 2010)

This mornings meditation was on this simple by lovely sentence:

"Gather all blame into one"

I looked around my mind and to my surprise found a lot of blame. I blamed my Grandmother for my fathers illness, I blamed my mom for not being more protective of my bother and sisters as kids. I blamed my husband for a long list of non sense over the past 20 years. I started to wonder where was my responsibility in all this blame and anger? I wondered why I was fighting against things that have already happened? It's the old proverbial bell that can not be un-rung, so why am I still holding onto the should of, could of, would of? I have this terrible habit of looking at karmas cause and effect as a punishment and its not! It is simply cause and effect there need not be a value attached to it. Its like if you fall down a water fall and end up with your lungs full of water and drown. Its not a punishment, death is simply a result of having your lungs fill with water... You can't blame the water or the water fall for your drowning!... That's karma.

I have heard it said that it is our self cherishing and self grasping that creates blame and anger. Again, it's about turning the microscopic lens back on oneself to see where the attachments are living. I am so delusional because I wander around thinking I'm really unattached and then a really embarrassing dark thought of "What would my life be like if my dad was not mentally ill?" "What would it be like if I did not get married?" will pop into my mind. These are self cherishing thoughts. I'm not accepting what is and letting "is-ness" guide me forward in a positive direction. Instead I'm choosing to deny what "is" and reject it. The funny thing is in rejecting my karma I cause myself more pain and suffering.

Perhaps through the grace of Shakyamuni Buddha, I might be able rid myself of my own painful thoughts. What would that mind look like? What would it look like to just accept that the world is not a perfect place but yet there is not a single thing out of place. And in this imperfection everything is perfect and exactly as it should be.

I'm must remember this and feel it from the bottom of my heart!